I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
