lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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