You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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