So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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