So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
