careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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