so explain again why im purple
no
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
