I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
