3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
