careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
