After last night, I could never be a politician.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
