The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
