I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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