there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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