the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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