There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
false alarm, still single
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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