please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
