Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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