She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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