just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
