My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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