you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
