and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
