I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize