This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
