Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
