I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
