i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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