I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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