she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
