Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
