the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
