i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
