its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize