She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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