after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
