I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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