there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
