Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
