Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
