Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
