y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
