How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
