She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
