Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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