Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize