if you like me you must not know who I am
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
