it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
