I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
