Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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