i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
