cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
