do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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