maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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