farters have to be the big spoon...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
