It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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