You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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