then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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