Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
