You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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