So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
