Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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