He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
