I'm drive I can fine osifer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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