Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
