There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
