I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
