Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
