last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
