If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
