I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
