I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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