i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
