she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
